Now I am sure that I have mentality breakdown. I am feel terribly nervous, anxious and scared all together. I am afraid what my room looks like at Shanghai, who my housemates are, can I get along with them? Are they friendly and kind enough to be friend with me. I am realized that I am not a good sociable person. How do I take care of myself there? I barely speak mandarin, so how am I going to communicate with others? Is the place dirty? How is the bathroom? What about my necessities? How if I am sick? How if I can't follow the lesson there? Will I even get a friend there? And there are soooo.........many other things that keep worrying me to death although it is still two months left before I head to Shanghai.
I know I am being stupid right now, that I feel like crying hard. I also know that I am a spoiled brat that need a lesson to be independent and this is a chance given to me. But I can't stop thinking about those stuffs. I am angry with myself why I am like this, so embarrassing if anyone ever heard this nonsense. Although I know everything will be just fine coz GOD is always there for me. Furthermore, to achieve my 2010 resolution, which is to change myself into a better person, I have to fight this mentality breakdown. This is the challenge of the year.
It depends on me, whether I want to fight it, or just give in and lose and by the end of this year, I will be the same person which means I fail. Of course I want to fight it, but it is so difficult. The only thing to relax my mind is the lesson from GOD. That he never gives me challenge more than I can take. This must be the way that God wants me to do, because he wants to help me. The GOD's way is never easy, even he himself also pass the tough road.
Finally, after writing this I can feel relax a bit. I wish I can be an easy going person and always be happy. But that won't be easy. However, it doesn't mean I can't, right?
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